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Right Next Door

I walked to the plaza next door to get my favorite smoothie, Peanut Butter and Banana. As I approached the door to the shop, I was having second thoughts. I knew that this particular shop made all of their smoothies with soy, an ingredient I try to stay away from (soy raises estrogen levels – not a good thing for a guy). But I still wanted my smoothie.

Two doors down, there’s another shop that sells smoothies. I get a lunch bowl there from time to time (they have a wonderful one with shredded carrots, purple cabbage, green curry sauce) and I knew they have smoothies, but I had never tried one. I asked the girl if she wouldn’t mind putting a scoop of peanut butter in their banana smoothie, and ended up getting a smoothie that, while not quite the PB&B I was used to, was a tasty and more hormonally sound alternative. And distinctly peanut butter-y.

I got to thinking about how this applies in a bigger-picture way. Many times, I’ll be facing a problem and not know the solution. The problem may be a biproduct of something that gives me value (as in the case of the delicious smoothie with the estrogen-raising soy). I might even put up with the value-giving thing (smoothie), because it’s working for me, even though the problem (soy) isn’t. But one day, I decide that the problem isn’t worth the value I’m getting, and I need a solution.

Funny enough, the solution can actually be right next door – and I just, for some reason, wasn’t seeing it. The minute I realized soy was going to be a problem, I could have hopped next door and got something just as good or better without the problem. But I didn’t think to do that, until today.

Why?

I wish I knew. But I do know that this is a common phenomenon. Many of us wrestle with problems, but don’t see the solutions that are right in front of our faces. Maybe this is a rude but useful reminder that we’re Human, after all. Or maybe there’s a more convenient lesson here.

Maybe it’s safe to start looking next door for a solution. Obviously, there are no guarantees. But how much time – and, in my case, testosterone – could we save if we were more open to the possibility that the answer could be waiting for us if we just… turned our heads?

Posted on by Rugged Troubador

Manic-Expressive

My dictionary defines Depression as:

severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.

I wish I could say I have no idea what this feels like, but unfortunately I’m all too familiar. In fact, I’ve dealt with depression intimately ever since my early 20’s. Hell, maybe even before. I was pretty emotional even as a kid. Then again, what kid wasn’t emotional?

There’s a medical definition as well, but it’s basically the same as the one I’ve just given, with some more specifics. I’m not going to argue with Merriam-Webster, but I’d like to propose an alternative definition to depression.

Depression, as I see it, is exactly what it is: a depressing, a closing in, a shutting off. It is so debilitating because it causes its host to do the opposite of what it was designed to do: to open up, to expand, to bloom. All energy is by its very nature expansive, and wanting to go out. Depression is the perverse opposite of this: a withdrawing in – but not in a way that serves the Being, but in a way that blocks it.

I wish I could say I knew the quick and easy cure. I could go on about emotions being like storm clouds, about how it’s all in one’s perception, but what good would that do? I’m not here to solve problems.

I like to think I’m not alone, however. In this big, scary, wonderful world, I like to think there’s others out there who knows what this contracting feeling is like – just as they know what the expanding feeling is like. I’d like to connect with those people – to get to know them by name, and to see what they’re all about. Not so we can commiserate with each other, NO! But so that we can begin to help each other. So that we can get out of the unnatural closing feeling, and get into the natural opening feeling.

Maybe we could go all the way to the other end of the spectrum. To a place where we’re open and blooming. That’s the way we’re supposed to be, it seems to me.

Manic Expressive.

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Appreciation, or the Absurdity of Predestination

This started out as a journal entry, but I decided to post it as a blog post because I felt inspired to do so. This is my first blog post in a few months! It starts out a bit personal, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take in this day and age of transparency. I hope it encourages some fresh new thinking. Please keep in mind that this was all written by hand in a fevered rush of authenticity, and that it’s not to be seen as an essay or a manifesto – simply a glimpse into a Feeling. As such, I would ask that you take nothing here as my true, lasting beliefs, opinions, or convictions.

When I was dating [a certain young woman], it always seemed as though I kept having a certain perception of her – even viewing the circumstances surrounding us as only temporary and fleeting. I would often remind her, and myself, of this temporary feeling, almost as if the things that were happening between us were simply “interim” events.

I now see the folly in this, and how deeply I wronged her. For to see any experience as nothing more than a forerunner of a future anticipated experience is insanity. [This same young woman] is but one example of the countless times I have been guilty of this. I have, in fact, treated my entire life, up to this point, as a means to an end – always looking toward something better ahead, something more “me”, a time and a place that is my “destination”, where the current time and place is an inconvenient means to that end.

How much life have I missed in this way of seeing the world! I’m not condemning my hopes and dreams for a brighter future, or an authentic desire to go somewhere I’ve never been. But to think that all of this is just a transition, a pre-requisite, that is the cause of discontent. And while there may be something noble about a sense of adventure, a longing to see what’s out there, there is nothing noble about discontent. After all, my free-wheeling has led me here, has it not?! And how can I expect that I shall find more of a sense of rightness, of belonging, anywhere else I may wander?

The only way I can ever hope to find this Home Sense is by having a greater appreciation for all the moments that are NOW.

I am certain that predestination is a myth. For I was surely given an abundance of Free Will. I’ve had everything – I acquired so many opportunities, so many gifts, [with the aid of] my free will. I once stumbled upon the entire volumes of the memoirs of Casanova, front to back, for just twenty bucks! Those volumes – were they predetermined to fall into my hands? It would seem so, but due to some mistakes I made in the following months (all of my own free will), those volumes fell out again, and were lost. How can I say that I was meant to find Casanova’s memoirs, only to lose them again? No – I found them, call it luck, call it God – and then made a choice that caused them to be lost. And so, the WILL is the cause of Destiny, the WILL determines what will come next. For at any moment, I can change the sequence of events with a wave of my hand. Something that I may have been “meant” to have, according to those predestinationists, can be taken away by my own self with just one simple choice. Where, then, is the meaning in that? There is too much chaos in life for predestination.

All the more reason, then, why we should soak up each moment, not as if it is our last, but as if it is our only. We should drink up each experience with such gratitude, grasp at it with such greed that Bacchus himself would look at us with envy. Even the shitty ones – especially the the shitty ones. For they are none other than our Life. They are slipping away, oh, so stealthily. We’ll never get them back again. Let me say it again – we’ll never get them back again! So, live large, speak grandly, be extravagant! Say and do all of the things you haven’t said or done for fear that you would be scolded, ridiculed, or politely dismissed. Let them dismiss! Be nothing more, or less, than Yourself, with your bold ideas and your absurd wisdom, your insane sense of humor, and your irreverent lust for life. Let them taunt you, let them ignore you, let them thrash you, let them hate you. For only then will you find your true kindred souls.

Above all, honor this place, this time. Live it as a Gift, for that’s what it is. It’s not a bridge to somewhere else – it IS the somewhere else! You’re here! You’ve arrived! This is it! Be glad of it!

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The Map Is Not The Road

Yesterday I was driving home from one of my all-time favorite places, Denny’s, and I was using my Garmin, as I am in the habit of doing when I go almost anywhere whose route I don’t know by heart, and it struck me that I did know where I was going, but I was still intently using my Garmin.

I knew that if I just continued down the road I was on, in a couple of miles I would make a right turn onto the road that would take me home, but I was so used to using GPS that I forgot that I had my own internal GPS.

This got me thinking about Life in general. Sometimes we just don’t know when or where the next turn will be, so we look to somebody else’s compass to guide our own way. We get caught in a one-dimensional view of reality (like the screen on the Garmin) rather than take a look around and get our bearings. Ironically, we lose touch with the real reality in favor of a map that’s designed to represent it.

Maps and Garmins are useful, but they are by no means the real reality – they are by no means the road we are traversing. Sometimes the most useful means of navigation is the one inside.

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Practice is not always necessary.

If I am perfectly happy with my skills I already have, and am confident I can retain them without practicing, there is no need for me to practice.

If I find more joy resonating in what I’ve already accumulated, then the more important thing for me and for the world might be for me to start “being myself.”

I can “be myself” (innovate) purely and truly only if I am 100% OK with the skills and the information I have at hand. What this means is that I have an Inner Life that is at such a high vibration that whatever it is that I normally practice (piano, Portuguese, parasailing) resonates with that vibration.

Frequently, to be maintained, this Inner Life requires more than just the vibration. It also requires engaging with Life and with Higher Consciousness on many different levels and in many different areas. These could be anything from practicing yoga to eating blueberry pancakes.

So, as it turns out, “being myself” requires, for most of us, more than just “being.” It requires “acting.” It requires conscious and deliberate steps towards the things that makes us tick. Sometimes part of this is Practice, and sometimes it isn’t.

If we Act in the right way, we can start get closer to who we really are and what we can offer the world.

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What Meaning Means

The difference between a meaningful life and a meaningless life is Action. Action being taken, specifically, towards a connection with something greater than ourselves.

If, in the moment, no particular Action is being taken to experience “higher consciousness” or “state of Grace” or “God” or whatever you’d like to call it, Life is without meaning.

Actually, life is always having meaning. It’s just not so obvious when the person living it is not taking Action towards something greater than his or her self.

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The Cure For Negative Thinking

Anger is almost always a useless resort. It really has nothing to do with the person(s) or circumstance(s) to whom it’s directed, and much more to do with thoughts going on inside of the victim’s own head.

Once this is realized, Anger subsides somewhat. It’s pointless to be mad, because whatever the person or circumstance is doing is what they’re doing, regardless. They’re over there, and the angry person is over here.

At this point it becomes a game to see how long the Anger can be watched, or watched for. we are the only species on the planet, as far as we know, that can watch for our own emotions. When we do, interestingly enough, the emotion loses a lot, if not all, of its strength.

At least, this seems to be true for negative emotions. Not so much positive emotions. I’ve noticed I’ve been happy before, but once I did, the emotion of happiness did not seem to grow weaker.

This is good news because it means that the cure for any negative emotion is simply observation. We can observe all of our emotions, and once we do, once we “watch for” them, we can, if I’m not mistaken, start to feel good more of the time, and to feel bad less of the time.

Which must be what everyone wants.

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Why Intimacy Is More Important Than Music

There is a lot of Music, but not a lot of true human connection, in the world.

Open a streaming app, like Spotify or Pandora, or an online media store, like iTunes. Go to a hub for independent music artists, like SoundCloud or Bandcamp. Visit any sites or services (and there are hundreds) where music, new or old, is simply a click away.

Now walk down the street. Go to a coffee shop. Peruse the aisles of a grocery store, or even a bookstore. Grab a bite at your favorite restaurant. Go to a public park. Go to work. How much actual relating is happening?

I think you’ll notice that what you’ll be hard pressed to find is two or more humans interacting in an authentic, vulnerable way. What you’ll easily find, however, is a lot of smart phones, a lot of laptops, a lot of “blinder vision”.

Of course, smaller towns might elicit more familiarity, but that doesn’t necessarily imply connection, relating, or what I like to call “Intimacy”. Cities or areas with a more expansive urban or cultural sprawl might be more likely to host venues or spaces where people with like minds can meet to share interests, but such places are also known for large amounts of loneliness or isolation in spite of, or indeed because of, the sheer amount of people residing there.

Deep, honest Intimacy – and I’m not just talking about bedroom Intimacy – is rare. Of course, that’s what makes it special. But does it have to be rare to be special? Music is easy to dive into; there’s obviously no shortage of music or musicians. Anyone can put their headphones on – but can anyone venture out of the bubble and start to engage on a deeper level with another human being?

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The Problem With The “Attraction Hypothesis”

There’s a couple of different ways of explaining why what happens to us happens, and why we get what we get.

One way would be to say, we created it. We had ideas, we had experiences, we had desires, and somehow these “attracted” the circumstances in our lives. We “reap the fields we sow.”

This may be the truth of how things work, but I would hope that everybody doesn’t buy into it. If everybody buys into it, you’ve got everybody expecting something. For example, according to the “attraction” hypothesis, if I want something bad enough, I will eventually attract it.

But this puts the idea, experience, or desire first. It suggests, “This is what you need to do, or think, or be, to have X.” But why would I want to have X in the first place?

The problem comes when I think X has anything whatsoever to do with my happiness. The problem comes when I think X has anything to do with the idea that I don’t have X, but I could have X.

Why not just start with Zero? Zero doesn’t create expectations. Zero doesn’t lead to disappointments. Zero is just Zero.

I am what I am, and I have what I have. Why? Because I am it, and I have it. The “attraction hypothesis” is flawed, in my opinion, because it mixes up our priorities. I believe the first priority should be figuring out what or who we are. Once we start there, we might find that our ideas, experiences, and desires have even less to do with us than we thought!

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The Sweet Spot

There is a place where it’s best to hang out and see what happens. To sort of just kick back and observe. In the learning process, this is especially true.

The trick is balancing this observation, this almost non-action, with the conscious striving for whichever effect is desired – the pushing of the weight, the hitting of the note, the fluidity of the line. The hardest thing about Learning may actually be achieving this balance.

At times, the best policy may be to grunt and push. Other times, doing less and “getting out of your own way” is most effective. Sometimes it’s hard to tell which side of the scale to jump to. Other times it’s not.

On any path to mastery, there’s a Sweet Spot. It’s here that a beautiful balance occurs, where reaching and observing meet and start to overlap. Here, Life seems easier, for a moment. We could be at the dry cleaners or we could be doing rocket science, but all of a sudden, for an instant, things just makes sense.

Of course, as soon as things start to make sense, they fade back to where they were before, and we’re back to the Game of pushing and pulling and grunting and observing. I guess the whole point is to get to where those moments of Clarity are not only more frequent, but last a second or two longer.

Once we’re there, of course, part of the fun is this feeling that we could have gotten there at any time, and we always knew how. This may or may not actually be true – but who cares? It’s the feeling that counts.